Christmas Carols > A call to de-gay our Christmas carols

As the gentle reader will be aware, the old and perfectly heterosexual English word “gay” has of late years been expropriated by the sodomite, and nowhere has this been more sullying than in the realm of the Christmas carol. Now, when we hear the word “gay” in our joyous carols, we must necessarily envision limp-wristed, lisping, naked, bending men, inserting themselves into one another, or possibly two women kissing on the lips, which is also bad, but not quite as bad as male homosexuality, unless the women are fat. 

Of course there is the ancient English standard “Deck the Halls” and its lyric “Don we now our gay apparel”.  This glorious sentiment is now fouled by the sodomite, and forces us to imagine a homosexual “gang” pulling on pairs of seatless red leather pantaloons. So henceforth let us replace “gay” with “gray”, which is a fine color, and a decent and respectable color of apparel for a man to don. 

Then there is the 20th Century American favorite “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” and its lyric “…make the Yuletide gay”. The gentle reader will concur that this now conjures up sickening and hurtful images of sodomites abusing the beloved and sacred things of Christmas time for their sordid ends, such as turning the Yule log into a brown-tipped poker of men. Henceforth let us replace “gay” with “bray”, as in make the Yuletide veritably call out exuberantly, as the ass. 

And then there is the neither ancient nor particularly favorite but nonetheless endearing “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year” and its lyric “…gay happy meetings”. With this the good people of the world have thrust into our innocent minds the specter of a great convergence of sodomites at a steamy Turkish bath, where they strip naked before one another, leer effeminitely at one another’s genitals and buttocks, assemble themselves circularly, call to one another in profane expressions of homosexual admiration, and manipulate themselves. Henceforth, let us replace “gay” with “stray”, as in random, unplanned happy meetings, the likes of which would transpire on familiar streets and places of business and the like, and not bath-houses filled with steam and the hoots of wild sodomites.

Oh, and a Gay [Merry] Christmas to all our gentle readers!